What not to do....

Oh. My. Goodness. Okay, here is a story about what NOT to do kiddos. The story starts out innocently enough. With a plan. I should've ended there. But.....the plan was to help Larry move the sheep down the coulee onto a stubble field. Sounds good, but I'm tired and there's a good possibility of needing to convince VERY stubborn sheep to leave the candy eating grain in the stubble field to come home, so as not to bloat/founder/die. So, step one is to fill the quad tire with air. Check. Step two - check fuel. Nope. Not enough fuel. Step two A - grab jerry can. Nope. No fuel in jerry can. Hmmm. I have a full tank of fuel in the van, so, naturally why don't I just syphon some out of there? Sounds good. Easy. No problem. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! Oh. My. Goodness. I feel like puking just writing about it 8 hours later! I can just imagine my dad giggling away as I tell him this story one day. I was determined not to swallow any. Say it with me, DO NOT SWALLOW ANY GAS. So I didn't, at first. I just sucked and sucked and sucked. I watched the gas come part way down the tube and quit as soon as my lips left the hose. 2 minutes later I have to hang on to the side of the van so I don't fall over. Druggee that I am, I wonder, is this what it feels like to be stoned? Lungs burning, I determine to try one more time. Because I can see Larry already across the road with the sheep and they are marching double time racing for the best possible bit of hay/grass/whatever they might nibble. Why do sheep do that? Competitive little beggars. I digress. One last attempt. I think I'm stoned. I blow out ALL my air, take a big suck - and yep. You've known all along what was going to happen, but OH OH OH OH I've never had anything quite so discusting. Well, maybe when I swallowed my step-dad's chewing tobacco. (Nobody told me NOT to swallow! I just thought inhaling was bad for you, lol) So, yeah, I swallowed - just a bit of gas. Like maybe a teaspoon. And I'm telling you the honest truth, I have been burping gas fumes for 8 hours. I just KNOW if I lit a match I would breath fire. It is awful. Other than that though, I"m fine now. After the gagging, dry heaving, tears pouring down my face, snot running initial five minutes, the only effects has been the gas burps. But, man, are they gross. So, for those of you who are EVER tempted to syphon gas - don't. It won't work. Unless you have an OLD OLD vehicle. See, I find this out later - every vehicle made like after 1985ish has this screen thing that keeps you from syphoning gas. You'll get little bits, but not enough for the actual thing to work. Apparently. I'm no expert. Obviously. Well, an expert in what not to do, anyway. So, there you go, there's my story. Oh, and I think gas is stronger than coffee. It is 2:30 in the morning and I"m WIDE awake. Go figure. Not worth it folks - drink coffee. Plus, I think I lost a few brain cells....